How do we empower our children? How do we help them become the strong, independent thinkers who will make decisions and stand up for themselves when we are not present?
In the 1980s, the Junior League of Seattle published a program titled, "Talking About Touching.” Beyond teaching young children about appropriate and inappropriate touch, the program provided lessons to give children practice at standing up for themselves. I recall the pride and joy the five-year-olds would take when they would stand tall, put their hands on their hips, look their instructor in the eyes and firmly state, "Don’t do that.” Children were taught to speak to trusted adults and to not keep secrets - but the first lesson was to stand up for themselves.
Whether our children are 5, 15 or 25, they need to know how to stand up for themselves. They need to have a clear understanding of what they believe and what they can do when placed in an uncomfortable situation. They need to know how to advocate for themselves when we are not available.
Most of us know people who do not complain. When they see something that could be improved, they either make the improvement or get with people who will work with them to make the improvement. These people refuse to be victims and refuse to waste time spinning their wheels and not getting anything accomplished. They are empowered.
Coaches often offer great guidance to our children. Great coaches spend much more time helping players find ways to overcome challenges rather than complaining about the other team. Players and coaches who get obsessed with “bad” calls and offensive players fall into traps that pull them off task. Great coaches teach us to make a plan and do our best.
Will our children have the courage to tell friends they are not going in a car with someone who has been drinking? Will they have the courage and words when someone asks them for a homework assignment or answer on a test?
They will if we practice with them. Practice is not a lecture. We learn from thinking through our values and then practicing behaviors that encourage independence. The college student who calls home for advice every time he has a decision to make may appear to be a loving child but maybe he just has not learned how to stand on his own two feet. We have opportunities to empower our children. I hope we take them while they are with us and in a safe environment.
Cheers!
Mike
