Non-Competitive Play and Social Emotional Health

Recently, I read an article in Psychology Today, “The Problem with Rich Kids.” One can take many messages from the article but what hit me, is why it is important to allow and even expect our children to engage in non-competitive activities. The article notes that now, more than ever before, our children are competing at high levels in nearly everything they do. Academics, arts, athletics and even service have escalating pressures and competition. It is no wonder workplaces, universities, high schools and even middle schools are seeing increases in stress-related illnesses, along with chemical and alcohol abuse.

 

While on a recent service trip with a group of senior boys (pictured), my colleague, Erich Schneider, and I were relieved - and more precisely delighted - to see the boys enjoy doing hard work and then returning to camp and engage in non-electronic, fun-filled games. I wish the author of the Psychology Today article could have observed the well-balanced and emotionally healthy behavior exhibited by our Chagrers! All of the games and activities involved running, hiding, chasing and a deck of cards. The senior boys and their teachers had pure fun.

 

Admittedly, I am a pragmatist. I realize that children and parents must make some significant commitments and sacrifices in order to have opportunities at prestigious universities, athletics teams and/or arts programs. At the same time, I find it hypocritical to express all kinds of concerns about the social-emotional health of our children if we are not encouraging healthy and balanced activities and lifestyles. Clearly, there are children and adults who do not crumble under the stress of high-level competition. However, if the price to pay for a child to enter a prestigious university is depression, anxiety, eating disorders, drug abuse or other health problems, it’s not worth the cost.

 

Reports like the one in Psychology Today are not news. Parents, physicians, teachers and schools have known that excessive pressure can be detrimental to the short-term and long-term mental and physical health of young people. Yet, many of us seem to be trapped by the allure of prestige. Are we willing to let our children adopt unhealthy behaviors in the attempt to grab the golden ring? This is a very difficult challenge for all of us. Thankfully I, like many of you, do get to see our children exhibit incredibly positive, socially and emotionally healthy behavior. These moments cause me to reflect on the great support our students receive at home, at Shorecrest and from other community organizations in which they are involved.

 

Let’s keep in mind that our children are going to determine their own paths. Our job is to provide as much support as possible without adding obstacles and pressure that can take the child out of childhood and the joy out of life.

 

Cheers!

 

Mike