Driven by Intrinsic Rewards
Source/Author: Mike Murphy, Headmaster
December 05, 2014
My colleague, Larissa Daigle, sent the following article to a few of us over break:
The author is not the Mike Mulligan with the steam shovel from my favorite childhood book, but rather a headmaster from an elite prep school in California. Mulligan cites research that claims that our generation of highly accomplished, college-bound students have been robbed of their independence because they have been raised in a petri dish for one purpose only: to attend an elite college that ensures their and their families’ economic and social status.
He advocates focusing on the intrinsic rewards of good grades, athletic success, and artistic endeavors, as opposed to the extrinsic reward of the activities looking good for a college resume. Instead of questioning children about grades, college acceptances, and competition results, Mulligan suggests asking children three other questions: Who tells us who we are? Where do we want to go with our lives? How do we want to get there?
He advocates focusing on the intrinsic rewards of good grades, athletic success, and artistic endeavors, as opposed to the extrinsic reward of the activities looking good for a college resume. Instead of questioning children about grades, college acceptances, and competition results, Mulligan suggests asking children three other questions: Who tells us who we are? Where do we want to go with our lives? How do we want to get there?
The article is worth reading in its entirety and the research cited is important for all of us to consider. But there is another side of this story. While it’s impossible to disagree with the observations of students pressured into activities for appearance rather than the substance, the Millenials and their parents are not the first generation to “play that game.” They will not be the last.
One of the problems with making a generalization about a generation is it that we are stereotyping an entire group, despite the many families and children who fall above or below that norm. While I think it would be a good thing for parents, children and teachers to discuss Mr. Mulligan’s three questions, let’s also find the real-life examples of parents and children in our community who are already motivated by the intrinsic values of hard work, extra-curriculars and community activities. There are lots of them.
There are plenty of parents in this community who have combined value-centered parenting while at the same time have set high bars for achievement with their sons and daughters. Mulligan lists some values that are missing from the parents and students focused only on the extrinsic rewards of an activity. Love of learning, curiosity, citizenship, making a difference in others lives, character and teamwork are some of the values he notes. I know numbers of parents and students who have made those values and others like respect for others, positive work ethic, generosity, love and friendship, the highest priorities in their lives.
In the coming weeks, many seniors around the world will receive early decision letters from universities. In some cases when they are accepted, students will pull back or completely stop focusing on the activities they have represented to universities as their passions. For those students “the game” is over. Others, who will also enjoy the extrinsic reward of an acceptance, will continue to lead and to thrive in all of their activities. The students who thrive on the intrinsic rewards of learning, participating, practicing and developing relationships will continue to make use of all the opportunities available to them. It is pretty easy to know which student one would want on his team, as a colleague or as a friend.
Others students will not get accepted. Those totally driven by extrinsic rewards will more than likely be the people who complain the loudest and need someone to blame for their rejection. The intrinsically driven students will certainly feel some hurt by a deferral or rejection but are more likely to make a plan to open up new opportunities. Parents will play a key role in helping their children work through acceptances, deferrals and rejections. There will be great opportunities to teach and reinforce values.
Undoubtedly, parents and students will need to get past the inevitable emotions that follow the college acceptance process. Once families address those emotions, though, students have the opportunity to learn some valuable lifelong lessons. Knowing where to go for support and having students demonstrate their ability to work with parents, counselors and teachers can be one of those lessons. The staff at Shorecrest is always here to support students and parents.
Undoubtedly, parents and students will need to get past the inevitable emotions that follow the college acceptance process. Once families address those emotions, though, students have the opportunity to learn some valuable lifelong lessons. Knowing where to go for support and having students demonstrate their ability to work with parents, counselors and teachers can be one of those lessons. The staff at Shorecrest is always here to support students and parents.
Whether you are the parent of a senior or of a child in Alpha, it is never too soon or too late to help our children develop an intrinsic value for all of their activities. They will be happier and healthier people because of your efforts.
Cheers!
Mike
