The Right Kind of Tough Kids
Source/Author: Mike Murphy, Headmaster
September 23, 2016
“New York Times” Columnist David Brooks recently published an article, “Are Kids Too Soft Today?” If you missed it, I encourage you to read it and then discuss some of the ideas with your children. http://www.tampabay.com/opinion/columns/column-are-kids-too-soft-today/2291526
The quote from Nietzsche, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how,” is a brilliant way to say why relationships, passions and focus on causes that are larger than the individual, make life meaningful. An important part of the work of all who are engaged in rearing and educating young people is to model, encourage and support our children as they develop relationships to, passions for, and engagement in projects or causes that become important to them.
How do we teach children to develop healthy relationships? My best friend from college has spent his career and life campaigning for schools to teach classes on relationship-building. In his work as a clinical social worker he is exposed to client after client and family after family who has no clue as to what their own nurture needs are. Zac defines nurture needs as “those elements necessary for a healthy life.” For example, food, clothing, shelter, companionship and love are universal nurture needs. For some people, nature, high adventure, competition, silence and other elements that feed the body and soul are nurture needs. When one does not understand himself/herself, how can that person begin to attend to the nurture needs of children? My friend Zac maintains that once one understands his/her own nurture needs, then that person can establish healthy boundaries for relationship building. Do our children know themselves and what they need in their lives to feel safe and complete? Do we?
At Upper School Back to School Night I shared photos of Shorecrest graduates who during their time at Shorecrest discovered and honed a passion. Clearly, we cannot force others to become passionate about a skill, talent or career focus. However, I applaud teachers, parents and guardians for every opportunity they provide to our children. One never knows which experiences or people will help light the fire that becomes a passion. We do know that adults who are committed to providing children with great opportunities increase the chances that the young people will find a passion.
Schools and teachers around the world have learned that students who are encouraged to pursue areas of passion and causes that move their spirits become the leaders, entrepreneurs, researchers and citizens that will strengthen our society and result in meaningful lives. Three cheers for those adults who are modeling and teaching our children how they can achieve personal goals and be positive contributors to the future of democracy and all the freedoms it provides.
Brooks advocates for children to live enchanted lives, not spoiled and overprotected ones. Teaching our children to think big, to think of others and to work hard to achieve their dreams are not new ideas and they are certainly ones to keep in mind as we consider how to rear tough kids.
Cheers!
Mike
